


Sharing Different Heartbeats

by Cee693



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: AU, Adoption, Angst, F/M, Family, Marriage, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-22 07:13:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7425154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cee693/pseuds/Cee693
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Blessed are the hearts that can bend. They shall never break."</p>
<p>In the face of immense pain and tragedy, Barry and Iris have spent 15 years creating the life they've always wanted together. But, secrets of the past and pressures of the present have a way of cracking even the strongest foundations. [AU]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Knock at the Door

Iris West-Allen had grown accustomed to her body waking itself up at all hours of the night. It came with the territory of having a three year old in the house. Any sound could have her bolting upright and going to check on the little boy down the hall. A creak, a bark, a click all had the power to burst through and steal her slumber. She was in the middle of wondering what sound had woken her up this time, when she got the feeling she wasn’t alone in her bedroom.

“Mama?” A timid voice called from the side of the bed.

Iris opened her eyes and was greeting by familiar hazel eyes glistening in the faint moonlight.

“Benjamin. What’s wrong, sweetie? Why are you out of bed?” Iris asked, going to sit up, moving away the arm that was around her waist.

“I had a bad dream,” the toddler explained, his bottom lip trembling and his eyes filling with tears. “I got scared.”

“Okay, it’s okay,” Iris soothed as she sat up.

She bent to pick up the little boy and cradled him to her.

“It’s okay. It was just a bad dream. Nothing can hurt you here.” She whispered firmly.

A nod and a faint sniffle answered her.

“How about you sleep in bed with us, yeah? And if any cowardly monsters dare show their face again, I promise daddy with beat their butts. How’s that?” Iris asked, brushing his wild hair from his face with her hand.

“Okay,” Benjamin said, perking up immediately.

“Okay,” Iris smiled lying back down and bringing Benjamin in close with her. She tucked him into her front while she scooted back closer to her husband who was still asleep. Once they were settled, she stayed still while Ben’s breathing gradually evened out.

“I love you”, She whispered when she could tell he was about to drift off.

“Love you,” he said quietly, as he eased into his dreams unburdened.

 

Three hours later, Iris woke up from a swift kick to her chest.

She yelped and jerked back, opening her eyes to find that Benjamin somehow rotated 180° in his sleep and his feet were now in her face. Or rather, hitting her chest.  
She groaned softly and turned to her other side; feeling that her back was much more equipped to handle a 3 year old’s active kicking.

Iris was a little surprised to find her husband awake and staring at her when she turned.  
Barry had a smile on his face and a glint in his eyes.

“Good morning,” he greeted cheerfully.

“Morning,” she smiled.

“There seems to be a bunny in our bed that wasn’t there when we fell asleep,” Barry whispered to her.

“I know, I know,” She said quickly “In my defense, he came all on his own.” She assured, knowing what he was thinking.

For the past two weeks Benjamin had been inexplicably plagued with violent nightmares. After 5 days of letting him sleep in their bed and two trips to the doctor to rule out sickness, they agreed (after consulting many parenting books) to let him sleep out his bad dreams. Every night since, they would put him to bed, assure him nothing could hurt him, put on a night light and leave him to it. And every night since, Iris has gotten out of bed at the first sign of a whimper and either stayed in Ben’s bed until he fell back asleep or brought him back to their bed if he was particularly upset. She finally realized she was a part of the problem one night after she threatened Barry with bodily harm when he tried to return the toddler to his own room after waking up to an elbow in his stomach.

“Likely story,” he said half-joking.

“I’m serious,” she laughed, “I woke up and he was in here. I thought he could stay since he’d gotten through the last three nights on his own. Besides I heard some rumbles of thunder. That would scare anyone.”

Barry saw straight through the lie about the weather, but let it go. He actually felt better himself waking up to find his son safe and sound, tucked into his wife. Benjamin was a smart, adventurous kid, but there was something so pure and kind about him that it felt cruel to allow him pain, even if it was for his own good.

“That kid’s going to get away with everything when he’s older,” Barry resigned, falling back on his pillow and looking at the ceiling.

“Not true!” Iris said indignantly. “I can throw down the law when I have to. Remember the thing with the marshmallows?” She asked.

Barry laughed “I remember a lot of tears. Most of them were yours.”

Iris hit his chest, offended.

“Whatever. Good to know you’re keeping score, Allen.” Iris said in mock indignation.

“It’s the least I could do,” Barry teased. “It’s like he has some sort of spell over us. It’s so hard to say no.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right. It’s not even my fault. Three years later and he’s still the cutest kid I’ve ever seen. And he uses his cuteness like a superpower.” Iris said.

“Absolutely,” Barry agreed “Can’t beat ourselves up too much. Besides, his flailing limbs are punishment enough for both of us. My neck is on fire.”

“Same. We might have to bust out the baby monitor and just lock him in his room. Is that horrible?” She asked cringing.

"That would give him a whole other set of nightmares, babe," Barry said.

"I'm about all out of ideas, Barry," She said, trying to keep the worry out of her voice.

"He'll be okay, Iris. This is just a bit of a rough patch. The doctors said night terrors are common at this age," He reminded her soothingly.

"It just really sucks to watch and not be able to do anything for him," Iris said.

"I know, but it will pass," Barry said.

Iris nodded and he planted a kiss on her head. She looked and the clock and saw a half past seven. 

"You have to get ready for work," She advised. "It's getting late."

 

By the time Benjamin woke up and he and Iris rolled themselves out of the bed and to the kitchen, it was a quarter to eight.

Barry came down a while later dressed and ready for work.

“Breakfast’s a little late,” Iris told him as he kissed her cheek. “I couldn’t find the waffle mix."

She handed him a bowl of fruit, but Barry took it from her and put it down. He turned her around so her back was pressed against the counter. 

“We could probably find something to do to pass the time,” he said suggestively pressing a slow kiss to her neck.

“Maybe when there’s not a fan-club around,” She laughed, gesturing behind him.

Sure enough, Benjamin was staring at them from his seat at the counter.

"Morning, Ben," Barry said, walking over to his son and giving him an affectionate hair ruffle. "Did you get scared last night?"

Benjamin nodded and went back to the stuffed dog he was playing with.

He was normally extremely talkative, but he'd taken to being very subdued the mornings after a rough night. That usually led to an hour or two of tears and tantrums before he had an afternoon nap.

"I think we'll try to go down to the waterfront this afternoon later. Calm waters may help with the temper," Iris told Barry.

Good idea," He said sitting next to Benjamin at the island. “Are you alright?” He asked when he saw her roll her neck after she put a plate of waffles in front of him.

If her muscles were half as sore as his were from sharing a bed with Ben, he knew she was in for a long day.

“Yeah I’m fine,” she assured. “You’re already late, babe.”

“I know, I know,” he agreed, checking his watch. When he saw he had 15 minutes to get across town, he grabbed a waffle of the plate stood up. 

“Thanks, baby. No time to sit down." Barry grabbed his duffle bag and coat and gave Benjamin a kiss on the head. "Alright, Ben you be good okay?” Barry stated rather than asked. “I’ll be very upset if I find you weren’t being very nice.”

Benjamin just gave a dramatic nod of his head, not taking his eyes off his toy.

"I love you, I'll call you later," Barry told Iris giving her a quick kiss and rushing to the door.

"Love you too," she called before he shut the door behind him. She turned back to Ben.

"Okay, Benny. Let's finish breakfast and get dressed and then we can go shopping. That sound fun?"

She barely got the question out before he blew a huge raspberry in her face and hopped off his seat.

“Dude! I thought we were cool! I let you stay in mine and daddy’s bed last night didn’t I?” She asked, trying to remind him of their better times.

He looked at her as if weighing his options, but smacked the fruit bowl with dog and ran up the stairs.

She grabbed the bowl before it could shatter on the floor and closed her eyes, sending up a quick prayer that she would find the strength for what was clearly about to be a very long day.

 

Hours later, after a very rough morning of running errands around town, Iris was almost at the end of her rope as she hung up dry cleaning in the back seat of her car.  
Ben's sour mood extended their time at the store so there was no time to go to the waterfront, which Iris had found herself looking forward to more than toddler.

Her cell phone started ringing just as she double checked Ben's car seat buckle and she quickly went around and entered the car to answer it.

“Hey babe,” Iris greeted.

“Hey. How’s your day going?” Barry asked.

“Ummm...”Iris trailed off.

“Oh man. That bad?” Barry asked worried.

“Well, there was an epic supermarket meltdown, a broken carton of eggs, and at one point he was dragging himself across the floor by holding on to the bottom of the shopping  
cart so. You can say it’s been a little eventful.” Iris joked.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Barry soothed “Do you want to come by the lab for an hour or two? I’m just processing some DNA. The machine’s doing all the work so I’m free for a while.”

“Yes!” Iris jumped in, barely giving him a chance to finish. She loved Benjamin more than words could describe, but a break from it being just the two of them could be the only thing stopping them from both bursting into tears shortly. 

“I will be there in 20 minutes.” She told him.

“Okay perfect,” Barry agreed feeling like his day had just gotten ten times better. “See you then. Love you.”

“Love you too.” Iris told him, hanging up. “Okay, Ben, change of plans,” she said, stealing a glance at the child through the rearview mirror. We’re gonna go see daddy for a little bit.”

Ben was still wearing the same scowl he’d been wearing since Iris had finally strapped him tightly into the shopping cart after his roll on the floor.

He didn’t answer for a few seconds and then he gave a quiet, “Okay,” his expression softening ever slightly.

Iris decided to stop and pick up lunch for all of them before heading over. While they were driving and then waiting for their food to be ready, Iris noticed that Ben’s sour mood was slowly but surely fading away. He’d started eagerly directing Iris’s attention to the pretty cakes and pies in the window display, was starting in his usual, endless stream of chatter, and allowed Iris to hoist him up in her arms without fuss.

“Mama,” he called, patting her cheek with his soft, chubby hands.

She looked at him.

“I’m sorry I was mean at the store,” he told her solemnly, looking contrite.

“Thank you for saying you’re sorry.” She said “when me and daddy tell you to do something you have to be a good listener, Benjamin. You don’t scream and throw yourself on the ground. And you do not throw things, Benjamin. Do you understand?” She asked him firmly, making sure he was looking directly at her.

“Yes,” he said, putting his head down.

She kissed his head where she knew he was ticklish and laid on a handful more when he twisted and giggled.

Benjamin squealed and laughed as Iris started peppering his face with kisses while she made funny chomping noises.

After a minute or two, she stopped and let him calm down and catch his breath.

Iris noticed an older woman waiting at the counter as well, who was staring at her and Ben with barely veiled contempt. She kept looking back and forth from both of their faces.

Iris’s smile faded.

Iris shifted Benjamin in her arms so she could give the woman a very fake-looking wave and a smile, rolling her eyes when, caught, the woman tried to look preoccupied with the menu above the counter.

Iris turned her back on the woman and tickled Benjamin’s ears and neck to keep him laughing until their order was ready and they were back in the car, on their way to the precinct.

 

*********

Barry was trying not to yawn at the fourth crime scene log he was entering on his computer. 

“Hey, Barry” a voice called from his doorway.

He looked up. “Hey, Wally what’s up?” Barry asked his brother-in-law.

“Nothin’ much. Looking for my dad. I was going to ask if you’d seen him, but since your clothes aren’t in disarray and you don’t look like you’re about to cry, I’m guessing you haven’t,” Wally teased coming fully into the lab to have a seat.

“Good one,” Barry said sarcastically, going back to his computer screen. Wally chuckled.

“Actually, he got called out. There was a robbery on Main Street. Seemed like it was kind of serious,” He informed.

“Guess that means he won’t make lunch,” Wally said, kind of bummed.

“Sorry,” Barry consoled. Wally shrugged it off. “If you have nothing to do right now, I could use some help with this CE system. I think the motor stopped running, but I can’t figure out how to 

start it back up. If you can do it, I’ll pay you in sandwiches,” Barry bargained.

“Deal,” Wally said promptly. “Would’ve done it for free. I’m bored out of my skull.”

Wally walked over to the machine and looked at the open hardware. “Oh yeah,” he said thoughtfully “That’s not going to start up. The integrator's cracked. It’ll take a while, but I can fix it.”

“You’re the best! Putting in a maintenance order, and waiting for someone to come out here to fix it would put my work back at least 2 weeks,” Barry explained “I’ll throw in a beer for your troubles.”

“Hey, instead of your cheap food compensation, why don’t you hook me up with that cute receptionist downstairs? She won’t give me the time of day and I saw you talking to her yesterday.”

“Libby?” Barry asked surprised. “No no no. You don’t want to go out with Libby. She has no sense of boundaries. What you saw yesterday was me trying to get out of a conversation about her sister’s sex life. A very graphic conversation about her sister’s sex life, and it wasn’t the first time.”

Wally guffawed.

“I’m serious, it’s ridiculous! She is not someone you want as a girlfriend.”

“Wally’s got a girlfriend?” Iris asked dramatically and louder than necessary. She strolled in holding Benjamin and what looked like enough food for a small army.

“Uncle Wally’s got cooties!” Ben proclaimed just as loudly, clapping his hands.

“Yeah, should’ve known you two would be close behind,” Wally rolled his eyes. “Barry can’t be by himself for more than 10 minutes without you jumping out of nowhere. That includes at work now too?”

“The West-Allen family comes in a 3 for 1 package or your money back,” She shot back, putting the bags of takeout on a table and placing Benjamin on his feet.

As soon as his feet touched the ground, Benjamin took off. Barry already had his arms open to receive the toddler who flew into his arms.

“There was a grump who looked exactly like you at breakfast and at the supermarket this morning. He put on all your clothes and he took blue-dog and he tried to trick me and mommy into thinking he was you. Can you believe that?” Barry asked dramatically.

Benjamin slouched a little and pouted.

Wally laughed and went to hug his sister and peek at the food she brought “That’s master-level passive-aggression,” He said.

Iris smiled too and turned to Barry. “Well I think the grump is gone. Benjamin scared him away at the deli when he apologized to me. Right, Ben?” Iris asked him playfully.

“Yeah,” Benjamin jumped at the chance to redeem himself “Daddy, I said sorry.” He informed his father urgently.

“Oh thank God,” Barry said putting a hand to his chest “He’s gone. Now we can hang out together, huh?”

Benjamin nodded his head enthusiastically.

“Great, cause I’m starving,” Iris said, bringing the food out of the bags.

The four of them tucked into lunch. Ben chose to sit next to Wally and tell him about all the adventures he’d had since they’d last seen each other and Iris and Barry edged away to enjoy their food over laughs and very heavy flirting.

“I’m sorry your day’s been rough,” he told her once she’d stopped giggling at something he’d said.

“Yeah, well the frustration wasn’t all his fault. When I’m out with him- you know how people are. It doesn’t really get any easier,” she explained, feeling a little pitiful.

“Most people are idiots, babe. That’s not on you,” Barry told her firmly. 

She nodded and gave a small smile. “Long day’s finally feeling better,” she told him gratefully.

“Good. I’m glad. I have a huge bottle of vodka in one of my desk drawers. I was going to offer it to you,” He said, raising his eyebrow suggestively, trying to get her to laugh. Which she did, heartily.

“I’m fine, but there’s definitely still time for it to come to that.” She joked.

“Dad’s back,” Wally’s voice cut through. He was holding up his phone. “That’s my cue. Did you want to come and say hi?” He asked Iris.

She wanted to, but she was also finally having a relaxing moment and didn’t want to bring awkwardness to it. “Nah, I’ll catch him later.” She told her brother.

“Alright,” he told her, grabbing his jacket off his chair and ruffling Benjamin’s hair affectionately. “I’ll be back later to get started on the fan belt, Barry,” Wally told him.

“Okay. Thanks, Wally.” Barry said

Once he was gone, the three of them finished up their lunch and spent the next hour relaxing and indulging in Benjamin’s favorite pastime- playing a (carefully supervised) game of make-believe in Barry’s expansive laboratory.

When the toddler was petered out and fighting sleep, Iris declared it was time for the two of them to leave.

If Barry was a more selfish person, he would’ve tried to convince her to stay, but Benjamin clearly needed his nap so he kissed them goodbye and promised to try and leave work on time.

Benjamin was asleep almost as soon as he was in his car seat. By the time Iris had made it home, changed him out of his clothes and put him to bed, put away the groceries from earlier, and cleaned up the stairs and living room, her muscles were screaming in protest.

Iris was just making her way to the kitchen to start the dishes she’d been avoiding, when the sound of the doorbell turned her right back around.

Sighing, she walked to the front door and, seeing the face behind it, wished she had taken up Barry’s offer on that bottle of liquor.

“Linda,” she breathed in disbelieve.

Linda Park stood before her wearing a small smile and an uncertain tilt of her head.

“Hi Iris,” Linda said calmly.

A quick once-over told Iris that Linda Park was still the same slender beauty she’d always been; with glossy black hair and too-familiar light brown eyes. She wore her trademark leather jacket and high-heels and, judging by the bulk of the over-sized purse on her shoulder, she was here for more than an afternoon drop-by.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Iris hissed once she’d gotten over her initial shock.

“I’m just here to talk," Linda told her, putting up her hands. "I was in the area and thought that maybe we could sit down just the two of us. I figured Barry would be at work. I don’t want to argue, I just-"

“-Talk about what, Linda?" Iris cut her off "You made yourself perfectly clear the last time you decided to just ‘drop in’. Seventy-two hours was all you could handle before you slithered back out into the abyss in the middle of the night.” Iris snapped, rolling her eyes at the absurdity of the situation.

“I know. I know. I was just going through a lot back then. I just needed a step back.” Linda told her solemnly.

“Fourteen months and not a single phone call while you partied your way through 8 music festivals is a lot more than a step back.” Iris fumed. “Maybe you take a couple more and get off. My porch.” Iris seethed.

“I made a mistake,” Linda said quickly when she saw Iris going to close the door in her face. “I made a mistake and I want to make it right. I want to take it back!”

Iris couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “There is nothing here for you anymore. You made your choice and I made mine. Please, just go.”

The sound of small footsteps shuffling and stopping right behind her caught Iris’s attention.

“Benjamin,” Iris whispered, internally cringing at his timing. She’d hoped he’d sleep through this impromptu intrusion.

“Benjamin,” she called to him, turning around to see him standing on the bottom step, rubbing his sleepy eyes.

“I got thirsty,” he said sleepily “can I have some juice?”

“Sure, Benny.” Iris took a deep breath and made a decision. “But, there’s someone here to see you first.” She stepped aside and opened the front door wider to reveal Linda.

“Your mother’s here to see you, sweetie. Come say hi.”

 

END


	2. A Normal Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N- SO sorry for the long wait after chapter 1!! Life unexpectedly got in the way, but I don't plan to stay away that long again. I feel really bad about it, especially since everyone was so nice in their response to the story! 
> 
> I didn't put a note in the previous chapter mostly because I just put up the story before I chickened out and let it continue to collect dust on my desktop. But, welcome and thank you for checking it out! :)
> 
> This is my first FF of any kind anywhere and I was a little nervous to take the leap and publish this, but I'm really glad I did.
> 
> Since this is my first story, I don't have a Beta, so PLEASE forgive any grammar errors.

“Hi Benji!” Linda exclaimed excitedly, her face brightening at the sight of her son.

Iris finally moved to the side to allow Linda to enter the house, which she did, crouching a little and holding out her arms for Benjamin.

“Hello,” the toddler said respectfully.

“Can I have a hug?” Linda asked with slight trepidation, her arms still open.

Benjamin looked to Iris and once she nodded, he went into the woman’s arms.

“Ohh, Linda groaned, “I missed you, Benji. Soo so much. Did you miss me too? Do you remember me?"

He nodded politely. "You're on Doctor Light.

Linda looked at Iris in confusion.

"Your picture is in one of his superhero frames," Iris explained.

Linda nodded in understanding. “Look how grown up you are,” she exclaimed in disbelief. “You look like such a big boy now!”

Iris noticed Benjamin was slightly leaning away from Linda, but his focus was definitely all on the woman who was showering him with compliments and attention.

It made Iris feel uncomfortable and a little guilty that she wanted to slap the face of someone who looked so much like her sweet and innocent Benjamin.

He had Linda's nose, chin, and dark hair color which stood in contrast to his curious hazel eyes.

Even though their personalities were one in the same, Benjamin hadn’t inherited any of Barry’s physical traits, aside from his slightly lighter coloring and maybe his height, though it was a bit too early to tell.

Looking at them side by side, Iris couldn't help the sharp pang that ran through her. They looked like two long lost pieces of a puzzle finally made whole again.

Iris didn't let the physical differences between her and Benjamin, or her and Barry for that matter, play any factor in how much she loved them. But, she couldn't help to think that an outsider looking in wouldn't look twice at Linda interacting with the child she barely knew while it seemed every move Iris made was met w/barely-veiled bewilderment and suspicion.

About two years ago, Benjamin had come down with a high fever. With Barry working late at a homicide scene, Iris had to take the baby with her to the store to pick up some medicine, but the only pharmacy open that late was one town over. Ben’s loud crying and discomfort were understandable given his 100.1° temperature and painful-sounding cough; however, some people in the store, including a pharmacist, missed the obvious connection to be made between a baby crying in the arms of a woman looking at baby Tylenol bottles, and jumped to the conclusion that a black woman carrying a crying white child around at night must be up to no good.

After she was blatantly followed around the store by two workers and stared at with barely-veiled contempt by a few costumers, she quickly just purchased what Ben needed. But, she was stopped at the door when she tried to leave.

So she spent over 25 minutes being detained at the store then being questioned by the police when they showed up. And the officers didn’t make the situation any easier. They took her anger and frustration at the delay in Ben getting his medicine as “aggression” and “hostility” and only let her go when Eddie showed up to help her.

On the drive back home, Iris couldn’t stop the hot tears from falling.

It wasn’t from embarrassment or fear or sadness.

It was from pure anger.

At the ignorance of people. At their hate. At the maliciousness that emerges from some as soon as they’re put in the vicinity of someone who doesn’t look exactly like they do.

Iris asked Eddie not to tell Barry what’d happened. The two of them had already gone through a situation with a shockingly offensive coffee barista no more than 2 weeks prior.

She’d gotten home as fast as the speed limit would allow, got Benjamin settled and full of medicine and, even though her anger wouldn’t let her rest, she pretended to be asleep when Barry finally came home some hours later.

But Eddie worried about her and he was angry himself at the way she’d been treated, so he told Barry what happened the next day after work.

Barry never told Iris what he said or did, but that night Iris opened their front door and was greeted with two huge gift baskets on the doorstep, along with a three page apology letter each from the store owner and the Keystone City police chief.

That situation ended well enough, but most "incidents", as she began to call them, ended with only anger and sadness that she eventually swallowed for her own sanity.

The older Ben got, the more apprehensive Iris became when they had to be around large populations of strangers.

The older woman at the deli this afternoon that couldn’t even let her enjoy a nice moment with him without bringing to Iris’s attention the differences in their appearance was a prime example of why.

At the supermarket that morning when Benjamin was acting out, random strangers were suggesting Iris should “maybe call his mother” and one woman probably thought she was doing the lord’s work when she slyly told Iris that if she were in her position, she’d ask for a raise.

When he was a newborn, Iris had assumed she would get the most stares and whispers from the fact that she was *so* young herself, but surprisingly (and sadly not too surprising at all) most folks seemed more concerned by her family's differences in skin color than by two young people, barely out of their teens, raising a baby.

Go figure.

Iris shook herself out of her slight wallowing when she heard Ben proudly tell Linda he was turning four years old soon, something he’d loved to boast about ever since Barry told him so the previous month.

“Why don’t you go sit at your table and I’ll bring you a juice, okay?” Iris asked Benjamin, cutting off Linda’s over-dramatic gasp at Benjamin’s upcoming birthday.

“Okay,” he said happily, running into the kitchen without another word.

Linda watched him go and slowly stood back up.

“He talks so well,” She observed.

“Yeah, well last time you bothered to talk to him he knew...what? Five words?” Iris asked bitingly.

Linda didn’t respond.

“I was just saying. He’s getting bigger, that’s all. And you and Barry seem to be doing an amazing job with him.” She said sincerely.

Iris rolled her eyes. “Why are you here, Linda?”

“I told you I want to make things right,” She said sincerely.

“Make things right with who, exactly? We all know you could give two shits about Barry and his feelings and you’ve made it perfectly clear that you don’t want Benjamin in your life.”

“That’s not true,” Linda rebutted.

“You gave Benjamin up,” Iris retorted, trying and failing to keep her voice low “You left him! No warning, no explanation, just gone in the dead of night like some-“ she stopped herself and took a breath.

“We’re all healed. We patched up the giant hole you left. Again. We’re all good so you can be on your way,” Iris said, gesturing to the front door.

Linda didn’t budge “I was suffocating and I was overwhelmed and I just needed to get away. Don’t you understand? But Iris, he’s still my son. No piece of paper can erase that fact. He’s my son. I carried him and I gave birth to him and I love him,” Linda told her earnestly.

“You have a horrible, selfish way of showing it,” Iris spat.

“Yeah,” was all Linda managed, shrugging her shoulders and ducking her head so Iris wouldn’t see the tears in her eyes.

Iris noticed anyway. She felt no sympathy for the woman in front of her, but her adrenaline was coming down and she was quickly losing the fire to fight a battle she’d fought countless times.

“I don’t know what you could possibly have to say, but we can sit down and talk in the kitchen like two adults. I suppose. Without you talking to Benjamin” Iris told her firmly.

She regretted letting him talk to Linda in the first place. This would no doubt confuse him tremendously, but she hadn’t known what to do.

Linda nodded “Okay. Yeah, I understand.”

“Good,” Iris told her, turning to lead the way to the kitchen.

It was a little too quiet in the kitchen. She wasn’t so far off balance from the drop-in that she couldn’t figure what the toddler was probably doing at the moment.

“Benjamin Allen, if I walk into this kitchen and you’re eating anything you’re not supposed to, you will be in big trouble,” Iris called out ahead as she walked.

Sure enough, she heard the crinkling of a bag and hurried tiny footsteps. When she got to the kitchen entrance she took stock of the white powdered sugar on the toddler’s shirt and the guilty expression on his face.

He gave her his best dimpled smile and Linda couldn’t help but laugh behind them. “Do you have the super ability to see through walls or something?” she asked Iris.

“Mother’s intuition,” Iris returned bluntly.

Linda’s smile fell.

Iris walked to the fridge and pulled out a small cup of apple juice “I’m going to pretend you weren’t eating donuts without asking, if you promise to go to your playroom and play quietly until I come get you. Deal?” She asked as she handed him the cup.

“Deal!” he agreed, smiling at her and running past Linda into the next room.

“Coffee?” Iris offered, not bothering to turn around.

“Sure,” Linda said sliding into a chair at the table and taking a look around.

There were pictures and toddler drawings everywhere. She smiled at the drawings of animals and superheroes and tried to skim over and ignore the family portraits.

“The house is beautiful,” Linda said, taking in the high ceiling, big spacious rooms, and expensive-looking furniture.

“Thanks,” Iris said as she pulled out two mugs.

“I’d probably get lost or winded just walking from here to a bedroom.

“I guess you get used to it,” Iris said, handing her a cup.

Iris indulged her for a while with stories of Benjamin, keeping details to a bare minimum.

Linda didn’t seem to mind. She laughed at the stories of her son’s intelligence and boldness and tried to soak up as many details about his life that she could. She asked questions about what he liked and disliked and was so grateful when Iris didn’t completely shut her down.

When a silence lulled over them after Iris finished another long story, Linda said “Barry told me about your mom when we were still dating. She had a drug problem, right? Left you and your dad when you were a kid?”

Iris rolled back her shoulders. “It’s a little more complicated than that,” she said at the unexpected statement.

“He told me that you wished for a long time that she’d come back. That she’d be the mother you always wished for,” Linda said.

“I got over it,” Iris said honestly. “Once I realized that her brand of love did nothing but make me feel like crap. No matter how hard I tried and tried to get her to stay and love me, I couldn’t change the fact that she didn’t want to.”

“I never wanted him to feel like that," Linda said.

"I’m trying to make sure Benji knows that I love him. If you could save him from feeling the way you did growing up, wouldn’t you?” She asked Iris.

Iris paused at that.

_Is that was she was doing? Was she playing a part in him growing up with that dark voice that haunted her for year?_

Unbidden, she felt tears spring in her eyes as she thought about Benjamin ever feeling even an ounce of the lowliness she felt in her relationship with her own mother.

But, before Iris could answer Linda’s question, she heard the garage door open. She sucked in a breath and checked the clock.

5:40 p.m. They’d been talking for two hours.

“Barry’s home,” she said.

She quickly stood up and blinked back the tears pooling her eyes while she walked to meet Barry at the front door.

Seconds later, Barry came in holding his jacket and a small bouquet of wild flowers.

“Hi,” Barry said smiling that smile that never failed to steal Iris’s breath. “I got you some flowers. Figured you’d probably-what’s wrong?” He quickly asked, coming close enough to take in her slightly blood-shot eyes and trembling smile.

“Iris, what is it? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” she said quickly, waving off his worried hands. “There’s just someone here and it’s not someone you’d want to see,” she tried to ease in slowly.

“Joe’s here?” Barry asked bracing himself.

“What? No. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to blind-side you, Barry. The time just flew by. I was going to call you.” Iris realized she was rambling and probably making it worse.

She took a deep breath. “Linda is here,” Iris said in a calmer voice. “She’s in the kitchen. She came over earlier this afternoon totally unannounced.”

“You've got to be joking,” Barry said in disbelief.

He dropped his bag and Iris’s flowers on a side table.

“I hope Ben hasn’t seen her. He doesn’t need this right now.”

Iris gave him a look.

“You let her see him,” He stated, rather than asked. “Why would you-“

“She’s his mother, Barry,” Iris cut him off, knowing where he was going.

“You’re his mother, Iris” Barry snapped in a loud voice.

There was a beat before Barry’s shoulders drooped slightly.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you,” He said, stepping towards her. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I know you’re upset.” Iris said, putting up her hand to stop him.

“I’m not upset with you,” Barry told her earnestly.

“I know,” she assured him.

“What does she want? How long has she been here?” He picked up the stuff he’d dropped and moved into the living room.

“About 2 hours,” Iris calculated, looking at the clock on the mantle.

“Barry, if you don’t want to see her, I’ll tell her to leave. She can come back and say whatever she needs to say tomorrow,” Iris told him.

“No. Might as well get this over with,” he said.

She nodded and started towards the kitchen, but Barry pulled her back and kissed her firmly.

“I love you,” Barry told her when they broke away a minute later.

“I love you too,” Iris responded, putting a hand to his cheek “It’s okay, Barry.”

He took her hand and they walked towards the kitchen, but Iris stopped before they entered.

“I’m going to check on him real fast,” Iris told him softly, pointing in the direction of the playroom down the hall.

He nodded and he entered the kitchen alone.

“Barry,” Linda said fondly getting up from her seat.

“So how long will you be here this time?” Barry asked.

“Bear, I really-"

“Please, just be straight. I am too tired for your smoke and mirror answers, Linda. Are you staying a day? Two days? A whole freaking week? I need to plan accordingly.”

“Nice to see the sarcasm hasn’t gone away,” Linda said, rolling her eyes.

Barry glared at her.

"I'm back for good," she said.

"We've been through this once before. Remember?"

Linda took it in stride and powered on. “I want to be a part of Benjamin’s life,” she told him point blank. “I’ve made some bad decisions and I’ve pushed him away, but I’m done running now. I want him to know who his mother is. I want to see him grow up and I want to have a role in raising him,” She finished, holding her head high.

Barry stared at her incredulously, “What?”

“I want to help raise my son,” she repeated.

Barry shook his head. “This isn’t about trying to fix a tiny mistake. You signed over your rights, Linda.”

“Any paper I signed doesn’t change the fact that I’m his mother,” Linda said.

“No, that choice came from you. All you. The paper was just the formality,” Barry said bitterly.

Iris walked back into the kitchen and came to stand next to Barry. She squeezed his arm gently in a show of comfort.

Barry took a breath and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“You dropping in like this after more than a year of radio silence. After almost four years of treating him like he doesn’t exist. Like he isn’t a person. Like he wasn’t your child- how did you think this was going to go? Did you think we would ever agree to that?” Barry asked in disbelief.

“I know it’s gonna take some work, but I think we can get through this. We can get to a place where we can all work together. All three of us,” Linda said with a calm that made Barry’s blood boil.

“There aren’t three of us. There are two of us. You have zero legal grounds to see him, speak to him or touch him without our permission,” Barry pointed between himself and his wife.

“So just like that? Without any hesitation you’re willing to let him grow up without a mother because your feelings are hurt?” Linda asked

“He has a mother,” Barry told her.

"I’m his mother!" Linda said, finally losing her cool.

“The longest you've ever held him was 5 minutes at the hospital when he was born!"

"Maybe we should all take a breath," Iris cut in.

“You never even gave me a chance to breathe before you were shoving him in my face, ready to pounce and tell me what a horrible mother I was,” Linda said angrily ignoring Iris.

“Do you even hear yourself?” Barry asked her furiously. “‘Shoving him in your face’? He was a baby. He needed you and you turned your back on him. Literally.”

“Yeah, well you didn’t waste any time finding a replacement, did you? She was there before the ink on the birth certificate was even dry. You got exactly what you'd always wanted anyway,” Linda spit out bitterly.

“ _Iris_ has been raising him since he was two days old. She’s been doing what you should have. She didn’t take anything from you that you hadn’t already given up, so don’t start, Linda,” Barry said, warningly.

At this point, the two of them were just talking loudly over the other. Hurling accusations and years’ worth of hurt at each other with no substance or second-thought. Iris started feeling overwhelmed and her interjections for them to lower their voices and calm down went virtually unnoticed.

“You’re not his mother!” Barry eventually shouted, enraged. “You were an egg donor and you left him and any responsibility you had to him behind while you went off to get drunk and sleep your way across Europe!”

“Barry!” Iris admonished in shock, her eyes wide.

A thick and tense silence fell over the three of them and Linda’s face was so red, she looked ready to explode.

Iris shook her head and caught a pair of frightened hazel eyes peeking into the kitchen from around the corner.

She rushed over to Benjamin and picked him up. “Are you hungry, baby?” She asked him soothingly.

She turned his head away from the two people who looked about ready to tear each other’s throats out. “Do you want some food?” Iris asked him softly.

He nodded and Iris turned to give Barry a pointed look. “Maybe the two of you can go into the living room to finish whatever this is. Or better yet, pick up tomorrow when you’ve calmed down and are willing to talk like actual adults.”

She didn’t bother to wait for his answer, just carried Benjamin past him to the fridge to make him a plate for dinner.

Barry led Linda out of the kitchen and past the living room, where she thought they were going.

He stopped at the front door and gestured to it.

“Good night. And don’t bother coming back, Linda. I mean it. I’m not doing this anymore and you'll just confuse Ben,” Barry said, folding his arms.

Linda picked up her bag that was sitting nearby and gave Barry a small smile. “I’ll see you soon, Bear.” She said before she opened the door and slammed it shut.

Barry didn't return to the kitchen to have dinner with Iris and Ben. Instead he went up to bed to cool off.

Iris heard their bedroom door slam all the way from the dining room. She didn't expect Barry to come back down for the rest of the night.

He didn't get angry often. In the 20 years Iris had known him. She could probably count on two hands the number of times Barry had raised his voice in anger at anyone.

But, in the rare situation where he _was_ angry, he had the tendency to isolate himself.

It was a habit he'd developed in childhood, but Iris knew when to push him to express himself and when to leave him be.

And the best course of action for almost any conversation that involved Linda Park was to give him space for a while.

So Iris fed Benjamin his dinner, played with him during his bath and got him ready for bed.

On her way to Ben's room, she poked her head into their bedroom and saw Barry sitting on the bed, reading a case file. His hair was wet, as if he’d just stepped out of the shower.

“I’m putting him down to bed,” Iris told him when he looked up at her.

“Okay,” he answered, but didn’t make a move to get up.

“Barry, you haven’t said anything to him since you got home,” Iris told him in a disappointed tone.

Barry sighed and put down his folder. “I don’t think it’s best to be around him when I’m angry. He picks up on that stuff.”

“Well are you still angry now? Because he already picked up on it and he thinks you’re upset with him,” Iris said.

Barry sighed again and stood up out of bed.

“It’ll do you some good just to be around him anyway. His dimples and chubby cheeks are superpowers, remember? One look and they can turn any crappy day into the best day of your life,” Iris joked, taking his hand and leading him to the toddler’s bedroom.

 

After two bedtime stories and hugs and kisses between Barry and Benjamin, he returned to their bedroom in much better spirits than he left in.

Iris jumped in the shower and Barry settled back into reviewing his case file.

But, the further he got into the report, the more he kept replaying what happened earlier in his mind. He felt himself getting more and more irritated.

By the time Iris stepped back into the bedroom dressed for bed, Barry was lost in thought and scowling into space.

She called out to him twice before he snapped out of it and looked at her.

“Sorry,” he said.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Iris asked, already knowing the answer.

“She has a lot of fucking nerve showing up here at all, after all this time,” Barry said, wasting no time.

“I agree,” Iris said calmly.

“She has no right to come here and demand or expect anything after what she did,” Barry fumed.

Iris nodded in understanding.

"She can't be here," Barry said, but he looked at Iris as if he were asking her what she thought.

"If we make that decision, it _has_ to be because it's best for Benjamin. Not because we're upset with her ourselves. Whatever we do now is going to have an effect on him when he's older."

"It is best for him," Barry said. "She'll just hurt him. It's what she does. And he's not a baby anymore, he'll know the difference when she decides to leave this time. It'll hurt him now."

Iris was glad Barry said what she'd been thinking.

She’d realized when Linda and Barry were yelling at each other that Iris had invited her in more out her own curiosity than to give Linda a chance at making things right.

Iris was very familiar with the whole mom-walking-out-on-you part. What she'd never experienced before was the mom-comes-back-and-tries-to-make-amends aspect. She'd wanted to know why Linda had done it and wanted to hear the reasons she had for abandoning her child so that Iris could maybe close the door on a tiny piece of herself that was still waiting for Francine to come back.

But, Linda didn’t have reasons. She had excuses and no matter how much she tried to hide it, she had an arsenal of accusations ready to deflect and throw blame at everyone else.

"So we don't give her the chance to hurt him," Iris said firmly after a minute.

 

*********************************************************

_If you could save him from feeling the way you did growing up, wouldn’t you?_

She couldn’t get what Linda said out of her head.

It was the middle of the night, probably early morning at this point, and Iris couldn't get Linda's voice out of her head long enough to fall asleep.

She didn't know the answer to that question, because she thought that's what she'd been doing for the last three and a half years.

When she made the conscious decision to raise Ben with Barry.

When she treated him every second of everyday as though he was her own flesh and blood so that he would never feel neglected or inferior.

But, if Linda wanted to come back for good and Iris kept her away from Ben, would that be selfish?

Would that be the wrong choice?

Would Benjamin resent her for it when he was older and wondered about his biological mother?

If Linda really meant what she said about staying, wouldn’t Iris be denying Ben what she'd _always_ wanted as a child herself? A mother that chose to stay?

But, what about Iris? Wasn't that what she already was to Benjamin?

In the long-run, did blood really outweigh everything else?

And if Linda was in, where did that leave her?

Thoughts and doubts and fears plagued Iris for most of the night until the weight of them wore her out and put her to sleep.

*********************************************************

Linda didn’t come by the rest of the weekend and Barry was sure she was on her way back to wherever she’d come from.

Iris had spent the weekend a little more on-edge. She found that she was second-guessing herself about the most trivial things and hated the feeling of smallness that kept trying to creep its way into her heart.

If Barry noticed anything off, he didn't say so. In fact, after their talk the night she showed up, no one mentioned Linda again. Benjamin didn't ask about her at all, Barry allowed himself to relax when she didn't come back on Saturday. By Sunday, he'd forced himself to remove her from his mind.

But, on Monday morning while he was getting ready for work, Linda left Barry a voice message on his cell phone. He didn’t tell Iris what it said, but going by the huff he left the house in, she guessed it wasn’t pleasant.

Iris dropped off Ben with Wally at her father's house on her way to work and half-expected Linda to pop out on the front porch and on her way to CCPN.

But, Linda wasn't there. And Iris spent the morning chasing out Linda's words with a steady flow of approving stories and going over articles for print.

Scott Evans broke her concentration when he strolled into her office with that cocky grin he liked to wear.

"What's up, West?" he asked happily.

"Hey, Scott," Iris greeted.

"How was your weekend?" He asked as he dropped a folder of layout options on her desk.

"It was fine," she said, only half- paying attention. She was rapidly clicking away on her computer. "Did get the corrections I emailed you? You never answered."

"I got them. I'll have it on your desk by tonight," he said.

She nodded her head and flashed a small smile.

After a moment of quiet, Scott decided to bring up what he knew would grab her full attention.

“So I heard your man’s not having such a hot day,” Scott said, leaning against her desk.

“Why do you say that,” Iris asked, finally looking up from her computer.

“I was just at the warehouse on the waterfront- the one that caught on fire last night?”

Iris nodded.

“He was there, I guess getting samples, and I caught the tail-end of his police chief completely laying into to him over some broken evidence or something,” Scott said.

Iris groaned. Captain Singh seemed to derive his joy from tearing into Barry about everything. After Joe and Barry’s falling-out, Singh eased up on his daily lectures so he wouldn’t be accused of playing favorites, but he still managed to find something totally trivial to yell at Barry about at least twice a week.

And if Barry was still in the same mood he left the house in this morning, Iris could only assume that he’d finally yell back.

“Yeah he’s been having… a rough 72 hours,” Iris said. “I might stop by the station at lunch. See how he’s doing.”

Scott nodded and pushed off of her desk. “Also see if you can get anything off of him about the alleyway homicide. Tried to ask him a question about it, but he brushed me off.”

“Already on it,” Iris said pointing to a notepad on her desk.

Once Scott left, Iris pulled out her phone and dialed the number to the pizzeria Barry loved. She hoped warm marinara sauce and melted cheese would be enough to lift his sour mood for a little while.

 

Hours later, Barry stalked into the precinct, hoping his long legs were fast enough to escape Captain Singh’s voice. He was still tearing into him about the small test tube that fell out of his case and shattered on the floor of the warehouse, spilling a small puddle of chemicals and compromising the only clear set of footprints the police had found at the scene of a possible arson.

He handed a report over to the secretary and tried not to roll his eyes at Singh.

“Make sure a grenade isn’t going to slip out of your pocket and blow the place,” Singh said as Barry bent down to sign the report.

Barry ignored him and Singh mumbled a few more things under his breath before finally walking towards his office.

“Well that didn’t sound too great.”

Barry turned around and saw Iris holding up a box of pizza and wearing a sympathetic smile. He noticed she had her notepad and tape recorder peeking out of her purse and remembered Scott Evans hanging around while the captain yelled at Barry and then trying to talk to him about a story a few hours ago.

“Is this pity pizza or bribery pizza?” Barry asked warily.

“Depends. Which would get an honest reporter an exclusive?” Iris asked sweetly.

“Unless you came with garlic knots, I’m afraid neither would be enough,” Barry teased.

But Iris pulled out a bag of garlic knots and Barry told her he was ready to marry her all over again.

“Wow! Easy to please,” Iris laughed and Barry led them up the stairs.

“What was that about with the captain?” Iris asked as she put her things down on one of the lab stations.

“Nothing,” Barry said. “Singh just biting my head off for ruining an entire investigation.”

“Seriously?” Iris asked worriedly. “What happened?”

“I ruined a set of footprints we’d found, but then I recovered two more sets of footprints," he said before she could worry " And I found clothing samples, and two hair and blood samples so everything worked out. But, you know the captain. He still wouldn’t let me hear the end of one little mistake,” Barry said.

“I’m sorry, babe,” Iris said sympathetically.

“No worries. I’m completely immune to the yelling by now,” He joked. “Anyway, what would you like to know, Ms. West?” Barry asked, gesturing to her notepad.

“I have two witnesses who say that the victim in last week’s homicide was first attacked by a man in a yellow trench coat,” Iris said, jumping right in. “They said the suspect CCPD picked up was only there because he saw the victim laying on the ground unconscious and tried to swipe his wallet.”

“Not possible. Surveillance cameras only showed the victim right before he went in the alley and then the suspect going in about 15 minutes after him. There was no third man in any of the footage CCPD found. Also there were only two sets of footprints in the mud- the victim’s and the suspect’s,” he reminded her.

“My witnesses said that the man was waiting in the alley already and that victim met with him in the alleyway for about 10 minutes,” Iris said, flipping open her notepad and reading him the notes she’d taken from her meeting. “The conversation got heated and the man in the yellow coat attacked and left the victim for dead, then ran off east towards the subway station.”

“Who’s your source? Why didn’t they come forward last week?” Barry asked.

“A man and a woman. They work in the restaurant behind the alley. I met them when I went around the businesses asking around for information. They saw the whole thing from inside the restaurant. They’re scared to come forward because they’re undocumented, but I told them it wasn’t a problem. They said they read my article about the Baldwin Towers eviction scandal. They had friends who lived there and felt they could trust me to protect them.”

Barry nodded in understanding.

Iris West was virtually a household name in Central City these days.

In the five years that Iris had been working at CCPN, she’d helped the police department solve dozens of cases, whether she meant to or not.

She was quick with a pen, charismatic on paper and in person, and always seemed to chase after a story with a zeal and wonderment that was refreshing and rare in the often-cynical world of journalism.

“I might check out the abandoned subway tracks downtown where they say the man ran towards. See if any of the people who hang out there saw anything suspicious that night.”

Barry was about to tell her to leave interviewing shady people in abandoned subway stations to the police, but he knew trying to talk her out of a lead on a story was pointless.

"No story is worth your life, alright?” Barry reminded her instead, like he always did when he saw that familiar gleam in her eyes. The gleam that told him she was about to jump into a story that needed to be told- no matter what. Even if it put her in harm’s way.

She’d definitely started scaling back on her ‘great adventures’ over the years, but Iris still managed to find herself in sticky situations that required quick thinking and sensible running shoes a lot of the time.

Barry tried to keep in-check the gut-wrenching fear he felt whenever she was chasing a shady lead or interviewing a known-criminal in an isolated location, but there was only so much biting of his tongue that he could take before he felt like his heart would give out.

There were more times that she put her duty to honest and meaningful reporting before her safety than anyone close to her would've liked.

Not even to speak of the terror of the hostage situation she found herself in during her second year at the paper.

Although Iris would be the last person to call it a hostage situation.

Even though Barry would call it that.

And the CCPD would call it that.

So would national news outlets and the negotiator that spent five hours wrangling her release.

Iris called it the big break she needed to prove herself at the paper and also the story that won her and her team a Pulitzer.

It also helped to cushion her already impressive resumè and made it a no-brainer for her editor and mentor to pass on the torch to her when he retired the last year, making Iris the youngest editor-in-chief in CCPN’s history.

“I’ll be careful,” she said smiling. “In and out. They’ll barely even know I was there.”

“Okay,” Barry said with slight apprehension “I’ll look over the case file again. See if I missed anything.”

She kissed his cheek and put away her tape recorder “Thanks for your time, Mr. Allen.”

“Are you going to stay and have lunch with me? I can’t finish this whole pie by myself,” Barry said.

“Sure,” she smiled at him.

Barry was happy she'd stopped by. Iris had the ability to light up every room she entered. Being with her, even just talking to her for a minute, was like coming up for air.

He'd noticed she'd been in a weird mood the past few days. She was a little standoff-ish and he'd been worried she was angry with him over him losing his cool, but her withdrawn behavior seemed to be in the past now.

 

They fell into the easy routine of asking each other about their day and how they were feeling as they put together the lunch Iris brought.

“I talked to Wally earlier, by the way. I think he’s taking Benjamin to the college library for a few hours,” Iris said, handing him a plate of pizza.

“Again?” Barry asked. “We have to do something about that. He’s three and he already spends more time in the library than most college students.”

“He loves it," Iris reassured him. "He’s an Allen. Surrounded by Wests. Books and nerdy science things are in his blood,” Iris joked.

Barry laughed, “But still, it’d be nice for him to have someone to play with around his age all the time.”

“Mmm,” was all Iris said as she suddenly became interested in the tiny table top that came with their pizza.

“Play groups and pre-school only do so much,” Barry tried again.

“Maybe we should get him a puppy,” she suggested only half-joking.

“Iris-"

“We _just_ talked about this, Barry,” she said sighing.

“No, we didn’t. You talked and then you walked away before I could say anything. I just want to have an actual conversation. I don’t want to fight about it,” He told her sincerely.

“Me neither. I just don’t see what the rush is. We’re both still really young, Bear. Two kids before we turn 26 and 27 wasn’t really the way I saw my timeline playing out. I don’t think that’s how either of us thought it would go,” she said.

“And what about grad school next year?” Iris tacked on.

“I can still get my PhD and pull my weight at home,” he said indignantly.

“You’re going to work on a PhD _and_ work as a CSI _and_ have time to take care of a kindergartener and a newborn?” Iris asked skeptically.

“You’re worried if we put too much on our plate and it all gets to be too much, then it falls on Benjamin.”

She shrugged “I love Wally and when we were younger I loved having a tiny baby to play with, but by the time we got to high school I hated feeling more like his babysitter than his sister.”

Barry nodded, completely understanding what she was saying.

“It would be different. Your dad had to do it all by himself. Raising two kids as a single dad on a cop’s salary wasn’t easy. But, there are two of us. And I wouldn’t mind taking time off from working when we need it. And if it ever came down to us needing a break, we have more money than we know what to do with. Ben wouldn’t have to do all that you did growing up,” Barry reasoned.

If Iris felt a little nervous talking about having more kids, talking about Barry’s trust fund gave her teenager-in-a-public-speaking-class level anxiety.

With Barry’s father being a very successful heart surgeon and Barry’s mother being an accomplished therapist who came from very old money, Barry’s financial future had been set at birth.

Henry and Nora had made sure Barry got everything they had if they were to pass. What they hadn’t gotten around to doing when a drunk driver had unexpectedly taken their lives on a warm October evening, was establishing who got _Barry_ if anything happened to them.

Nora came from an extremely well-off family, but when she decided to elope with Henry Allen at 21, all she received from her family was her inheritance and the door slammed in her face. She didn’t have family or close friends that she felt she could entrust with the care of her son if the time ever came.

Henry came from a loving middle-class family, but he worked his way up to the top of his profession. He was an only child and when he died, he had no next of kin.

He was at the peak of his career and he and his wife were in top health. Dying young was never something either of them imagined, so completing their will took a backseat as they built their lives and their family.

Nora had 3 brothers who said their condolences when they’d heard of their sister’s passing, but who, after over two decades of bad blood between their sister and her husband, wanted literally nothing to do with the nephew they’d never met. There was one brother who considered taking Barry in, but backed out almost as soon as he realized Barry didn't come with a huge personal paycheck attached.

The Allen’s family lawyer did all she could to ensure Barry’s well-being and protection, but because of the terms of Barry’s trust fund and Nora and Henry’s failure to produce a legal guardian or next-of-kin, Barry was put into foster care.

He had an extremely difficult childhood, but he'd gotten his trust fund when he turned 18.

But, because of all the trouble it seemed to cause growing up and because of the chain it felt like around Barry's neck when he was too young to fully understand why adults who were supposed to care for him, were more focused on and hungry for the money instead of his well-being, he and Iris weren’t quick to use any of it.

They bought a beautiful and, admittedly large, house in Central City after they'd gotten married a few years ago and two cars, but other than that the account had gone virtually untouched.

With a hefty six-figure sum, there was more than Barry and Iris could spend in a lifetime.

More than Benjamin and their other future children could spend in a lifetime.

And knowing that should've put them at ease.

Instead, it made them both slightly uneasy when the topic came up.

“I’m sure we’ll figure it out," Iris said softly before they both turned to too-dark thoughts.

“Does that mean?”-

“It means I’ll think about it,” she said “we have some time, right?”

Barry nodded and couldn’t help the wide grin that broke out.

“We could start practicing before we decide anything final. You know, just so we make sure we know what we’re doing.”

“Oh my God,” Iris groaned as she rolled her eyes. She pushed him aside, abandoning the lunch they still hadn’t actually eaten. “I have to get back to work.”

Barry laughed and grabbed her waist, pulling her back to him tightly.

She was about to protest, but the minute his lips met hers, she forgot what she was about to say.

He cupped her face and his hands found her waist again as he lifted her up onto his desk.

And she tried and failed to hold in a moan when his hand raked through her hair and rested on the back of her neck, pressing her even closer and deepening the kiss.

Iris ran her hands through his hair and down his face, coming to rest a hand over his heart.

Iris loved resting her hand on his chest and feeling his heartbeat when he was close to her. Years together, and his heart still sped up every single time he kissed her.

His kiss left her dizzy and breathless and just as he was leaning her back onto his desk, there was a loud cough at the door.

“Dad! Hi!” Iris exclaimed in surprise, seeing her father in the doorway.

She pushed Barry away and the two of them scrambled apart, trying to fix themselves.

The affectionate voice that Joe returned her greeting in didn’t match the hard stare that he was fixing Barry with.

“Hey, Joe,” Barry said stiffly. He went about straightening the desk that had gotten messed up.

Joe barely spared Barry a nod. “Just came to drop off more orders for last month’s bank robbery. I need the tests you’ve already got done ASAP, Allen. I’ve been waiting two days for them” Joe told Barry firmly.

“Yeah the machine’s been broken. I was just about to run it, Iris just needed help with some...work...stuff,” Barry finished lamely. He was pretty certain he had her lipstick smeared on his mouth and his shirt was definitely wrinkled.

Joe huffed in disbelief, “You barely salvaged a botched investigation this morning. Maybe you could try to get some actual work done the rest of the day?"

Iris rolled her eyes in annoyance, “Alright dad. We were just going over a case. I’m sure he’ll get right on whatever it is you need. I was just leaving anyway.”

“Wait-no you don’t have to leave, Iris.” Barry told her quickly. “We didn’t even finish lunch.”

"It's okay, I already ate earlier anyway," she said as she quickly kissed him and grabbed her purse. "I'll see you at home."

"Bye, dad," Iris said when she walked past her father.

Iris saw a flash of regret in her father’s eyes. He opened his mouth as if he were about to say something, apologize maybe, but the emotion flitted away and he gave her a soft, hesitant smile and kissed her cheek.

“Bye, baby girl.”

Barry watched her until she was out of sight and then turned to his desk, ignoring Joe.

When his father-in-law didn’t take the hint after a minute, Barry said over his shoulder “I’ll put the test results on your desk by the end of the day.”

“Please do,” Joe said with barely contained sarcasm and stalked out the room.

*******  
The sun was setting by the time Iris was able to leave her office for the day and do the prep she needed for the lead she was following in her homicide case.

She was more than grateful everyday that all her hard work had paid off and she'd gotten her dream job, but she kind of missed the days when she was free to chase down a story. When she had no other heavy responsibilities and she only answered to her editor. These days even though she had a lot more freedom as editor herself, she also had a lot more people to talk to, delegation and logistics to wade through before she could grab her recorder and notepad and leave.

The downside to this was that now she also had a kid to take care of and a husband to come home to, so staying out all night for a story wasn't a viable option.

Barry and Iris had always been good at juggling a lot of heavy tasks at once, even when they were kids, and they were excellent at communication and compromise when it came to each of them getting the time and support they needed to excell in their careers. 

And Joe and Wally did an amazing job of helping out and looking after Benjamin when she needed to work or when Barry couldn't get away from the lab. 

Even though her dad's relationship with Barry was less than ideal, to say the very least, she was still in awe at the amazing and caring way he loved Benjamin. 

Joe would be the first one to say that the three year old was his favorite person on earth. 

He was constantly spoiling him in a way Iris and Wally only dreamed about growing up. Her strict, no-nonsense father seemed to be replaced by a giant softy where Ben was concerned. 

And Benjamin loved him right back, constantly talking and asking about Joe, saving new toys so that he could play with them for the first time at Joe's house. 

It was endearing to watch.

"If I ask nicely, can I play with his boxing gloves?" Ben asked from the backseat as Iris parked her car.

"I'm sure he'll allow it. If you ask nicely," she said. She got out and came around to unbuckle his car seat.

"I brought my Paw Patrol backpack and my trucks," Ben said, holding up the toys in his hand for approval.

"Oh wow, he'll love those!" Iris said.

She carried him out the car and closed the door just as the front door of the house opened.

“Papaw!” Benjamin squealed in delight, dropping his toys so he could jump into his grandfather's arms.

Iris had been ready to give her dad an earful about the way he treated Barry earlier, but seeing the pure joy in his face holding Ben, she held her tongue.

And as she picked up Ben's forgotten belongings and followed them into Joe's house, she felt that familiar tugging in her chest.

As if she were very subtly being pulled in two different directions. As if her loyalty to the two men in her life, was once again, being tested in the little day-to-day things.

"Is Wally home?" Iris asked.

The house was uncharacteristically quiet. There was no music coming from upstairs, no sports game playing on the t.v.

"No, he went out with some friends. Probably be back late tonight," Joe explained.

He put Benjamin down and the child made a dash for the kitchen, where Joe always put out treats for when he stayed with him.

"No sweets tonight, dad, I'm begging you. He won't sleep with all that sugar," Iris pleaded.

"No sweets, I promise," he said holding up his hands.

"Thank you," Iris said.

"But, maybe just one or two," Joe amending quietly.

Iris shook her head and laughed before checking her watch.

"I better go. I'm already late. Thanks again for watching him. Barry should be done by 9:00. Is that okay?"

"That's perfect," Joe said. "I got Ben this huge wooden train set I found online. Looks exactly like the one my grandpa built for me when I was a kid," Joe said excitedly.

Iris smiled wide.

“I’m sure he’ll love that,” she said appreciatively, handing over Ben's stuffed dog and jacket.

"I thought Barry said you had a meeting tonight," Joe questioned taking in her sweatshirt, joggers, and baseball cap.

"You could call it that. I'm going to go see if any of the... colorful residents on 5th and Mane feel like talking about a homicide," Iris said.

Joe's eyes widened and he gave her a reproving look. "Iris-"

"I'm careful, dad, I promise. I'll be fine!" She flashed her best smile and have him a kiss on the cheek.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Love you," she said, heading to the door before he could protest.

"Love you too," Joe called after her as the front door closed. He sighed and sent up a quick prayer of protection before he went into the kitchen to spoil his grandson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to have the next chapter posted by the end of the weekend.
> 
> P.S. Who tf else is dying from the WestAllen spoiler pics??


End file.
